Thursday, June 25, 2009

dancing in the sorrows

i danced in the clouds sorrowful song pour i danced and drinked its words
but nothing ever happened...

then i ran in circles while my head went in its own perpetual motion
but then the thoughts never came out...

rain dripped down my face, wind dried my skin's tears, and sky angered lighted the sky
but i never had a chance to even die...

headlights back forth back forth. running in front of them with blurred views running my mind
but i never went blind not even with lies...

laughing, crying, sitting , standing, breaking, building, falling, slipping, holding, leaving
but it never repeated it stayed there without the change...

one thing is storm stories never stay they sway and leave and come back with a new story
they tell something to us. we just have to listen like it listens to us...

Monday, June 22, 2009

come and see my hands

bones cracked on skin bruised
hair laid on street grass floors
wrists bruised and pained
memories scattered on wood paths

awakend a raccon eyed girl looked into the puddle
her black umbrella tumbled down next to her
black water, dirt filled, full of sorrows, emotions
pulling out her arms from underneath her black coat.

come and see her hands see pale hands painted like a canvas
bruised and burned soaked and churned of memories
pain and scars paint her hands like a canvas in the sky
crows come to see her pain awaiting her death to pick at

bones found underground next to the puddle that never dried
umbrella bones found on the side of the puddles pathway
urban decay of bones and leaves and umbrellas and crows
black coats, umbrellas, boots, feathers of memories scattered

her bruised laced hands tied to her past to the attic's ceiling...

let it go

thin i am not beautiful i am not smart somethings dont change for me. sometimes you see these girls you have known and theya re beautiful thin loved have so much to not be scared of.

me im just me. i wake up to look in the mirror and notice that i am not them no matter how hard i stare at the fucking mirror i end up just being me. nothing intresting.

my hair its dull and big. my skin is scared and ugly. my eyes are lifeless and dark. my body is big and round. my life is nothing and has a story. me, im just me and no one else.

we need to learn who we are. we need to be accepted by society but i thought now today at 11:32 pm that really we accept ourselves into our selves.

when i learn to accept myself others will too. why is it so hard for me to love myself. i write on words over words to show people my feelings.

feelings of me wanting to be accepted but i noticed those words three years from now won't matter. i will. when im accepted.

one day we all just let go. i let go of my past and left it all out in the open to become vulnerable. all i wanted was to be accepted i think i just did.

one day you will let go of your past move on and scream your until you can't any more and then thats when you say. im letting go. your done and moved on you left your old home and migrated to the better place in your head. finally i let it go.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

hearts gone cold

and we were getting older
the nights became colder
i sat upon my bed staring at the stars at the stars holding onto the leaves i had collected from the gift giver then i saw you come near me in my thoughts rest a kiss upon my cheek
only to notice i really don't feel anything for you anymore. i sat near the bushes a couple nights ago and noticed i had a flat mind never really thinking about myself as a person. i noticed everyone round me dosent really want tot see me so upset all the time and i decided it was time for a small change when i decided to move on from my horrid horrid horrid past and sow the world something better of myself.

she is my new model and she is somehting i would not change for another for in the world she is anne ad she is a super silly and awsomness :D

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

delicate stains

delicate hands mend broken bones
delicate hearts break stones
delicate minds fall apart from oceans tides
while feet dance in time to the rhythms delicate beats

i saw my heart fall to the ground into my hands
while the wind came dancing with my hair
holding my salty ocean tears back as long as i could
my mind was weak as clouds breaking down my nervous system
the body of mine broke in half as i lay there broken nothing more

long, lurid, shapeless shadows formed around
soft sounds of birds bones breaking to pieces
turned to rivers of sand carried and thrown upon me
soft as silk warm as sun cold as night tough as like the moon

my bones ivory in color break
my heart crimson red broken
my mind dead and useless
my body pale frail gone thin
i was broken unfixable stupid
but knowing all this one thing
i wished was true was that

i could be delicately told "i was loved as much by you".....

corinah sharpova

i guess promises are meant to be broken and love is untrue, but i only wished that one time in their life they could say "i loved you too"
one day im going to kill myself when i am not so weak minded im not kidding this is something i wish i could do now
NOONE cares about me anyways i know this for a fact being kicked around thrown out and beat down till i belived it took it in
that i am not loved
i am useless
i am nothing but dust in the wind
i am one less person they could notice was one
and never care what they thought
one day i'm going to kill myself in front of them so they can see me for one last time before i die and this way i wont get married and have a family
i wont have a job and i know this will be what they want the most is that they wont have me in their way anymore and people can for once just ONCE be free from me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

i will never say never

as long as you don't let me go.

i need to go to the fountain and drink me some watahhhhhhh
ahhhhhhh lol im sorry i blog too much cause i haz no life lmao!
so i haz me a question does anyone wanna shoot? let me take picatures?
please say yessssss

parties for one

i sat near the walls holding my face
lights flashing disco balls moving to the heartbeat
music thumping in my head reclling last night
hearts fluttering, clinks and clancks of the marimba bottles
phone ringing knocking out of my thoughts

a snake around my waist tha held me tight
smells like cinnamon burns in the room
konfetti thrown into the corriders
wall to wall corner to corner
heartbeat to heartbeat you to me
lifes like a party you go with the flow...

shoot shoot shoot : D

i like cameras SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT :D lol jk

im getting my polaroid blitz and im excited!!!!!! heeheee i haz always wanted a polaroid blitz all my life! ♥

cameras cameras camerraaaaaaassssss. I BLOG A TONS! HAHAH IM SUPER WEIRD GUYS!

never did i

i feel uglier than this wood floor

that creaks and bends when walked upon

dust catches into the walls folding over

like water on ceans tips flipping boats

the winds singing of sweet thoughts

while the flowers wallow and sway

for once i sat there alone letting the rain

catch up to my restless thoughts of nothing

i looked up and saw myself stopping to think

that i never actually loved myself.....

Saturday, June 6, 2009


omfg! dude! buy me this pleaseeeeeee! i would lovvveeee you guys for liek ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever! this is limited editiion stuff guys its amazingnessssshhhh!!!! i wish i had the money for this but alas im onlya little girl who has no money : ( he is one of those photographers i adore and annie leibowitzs and oh sally mann he is my faveeeeeeee fashion photographer ♥♥♥


Friday, June 5, 2009

new pictures

im a girl who needs to get a life other than this computer. a girl who needs to get over herself. a girl who wants to be a photograpgher. a girl who nees to loose weight, who needs help dearly. recently i am feeling a bit down i dont know my friend brought up the whole weight thing and now, i feel liek im too fat i need ot loose weight dearly! well lets start today yes? i think so too haha no im not depressed lol just being mellowdramatic.

i feel like taking pictures today since its all clody and crap and i loovve dark photography look new picture. yes i suck terribly! thanks for reading today my semi-weird blog.