See me and Alex were really close a couple months back until we hit high school then it got to the point it was just we would see each other say “hey” and move on no problem. Then Alex wanted to get close again talking about how we never really talked anymore all I could say was I know thats it. Now we were real close now we were dating. But when we dated it felt weird but safe. Like how a baby bird feels when he's trying to fly and his mama is right behind him. One night we sat outside doing nothing in particular. Told me he wanted to show me something behind the shed there were bones of small animals and he picked one up told me it was for me told me to put it up to my ear so I can hear the thoughts of the animal who died and the sound of nothing in particular. I listened to him and his bull shit like I actually cared and I did, I did care. Next night he had me laying on his bed wearing nothing but his shirt and undergarments. Stroking me like I was some kind of pet I liked that. He told me he had been so stressed and I looked down at myself flat and an ugly color of brown. Nothing to really want. He read my mind told me I reminded him of desert sand filled with small sand crystals that sparkled no matter if the sun was out. I liked that. I started to feel bad for him feeling so stressed all the time I just did not know what he could want. All I could do was kiss him and tell him it was going to be alright he's going to make it out of this town. But I guess he wanted something more. He made love to me under the bright moonlit bed he had. Wrapping every inch of my body with his cascading scent. I don't see what he would want with a girl like me who had dull black hair with dark brown eyes like moon rocks, flat and boring in color. He was pale tall blond gray eyed boy. Two nights later told me he did not want to be with me anymore I cried hard enough for him I'm sure he heard me from across town. Called me and told me he was stressed and needed me. I knew what he wanted all I had to do was give in. we were sex buddies thats it nothing else. I was so ashamed to tell anyone but Alex kept me safe so it was okay. Then it got to the point where he needed it no matter what. one night he became angered by my actions not wanting to do this anymore. He would push me up against a wall suck on my neck like a hungry bear does in the bee hive. Slap me. Then bruise me to remind me of the night the next morning. I laid on the wood floor for hours on end spitting up cum and air. He just laid there keeping one arm around me. I wanted to cry but I knew that would only bring more pain. No use in trying to hide it. So I cried into him. Then he told me some of his other buddies needed some sex too. I was a slut of many sorts. I met a boy named Andi in my classroom of biology he was studying anthropology but said it bored him I would laugh at what he would say. He asked me out a couple days later Andi never questioned my reasons for being away for so long all he knew was I always looked grim after I came home. So he asked me but tried to not push me into telling him. Then one night I told him and he became scared for me. He said he wanted to beat the fuck out of them. I tried to hold him back he calmed down. In the halls he would always glare at Alex and his friends. One night he comes to his apartment I'm on the couch reading a book about sisters and how they never seem to stay together for too long. He had blood stains on his shirt and some cuts on his fore arm I asked him what he did he said some business he needed to attend to. I became frightened for him. I loved Andi but it was not his battle to fight and he knew he had put me in more danger I'm sure but mostly himself. That night I told him I had a nightmare after I awoke from heavy panting sweat on my body. Andi laid next to me not moving I gently made my way to the door closing it with a hush sound. Walking late at night wearing nothing but Andi's football jacket and my skinny jeans. The cold fall wind caressing my hair with its grace. I had pulled out a cigarette to calm me down I walked to the corner. But my hands were trembling I wanted to scream I wanted to tell the world how I felt I wanted to tell Alex. Making my lips into an o-shape trying to make round smoke circles I failed each time. The nights tree's looked lurid compared to day trees. Hearing some noises behind the bushes I became frightened moved closer to the apartment door. Alex stepped out with Jake. I tried to get away but I ended up having to scream but it was no use. I was hopeless. The night became pitch black. Drip drop. Drip drop. Blind. I could not see. I felt a pain go through me my arms were bruised and cut badly I had blood rings around my wrists, and ankles I was raped by them both again. I remember there being tears and screams. Fights with faults. I was stuck here. Memories came back. Into my hand cum and air all over again.